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Chuck Quotes is a quote page for some of the funny and memorable quotes from the Chuck TV series organized by episode.


Season One Edit

"Chuck Versus the Intersect" Edit

Chuck: Uh, you know, Sis, the thing is, Morgan and I don't really feel like we're fitting in...at my birthday party...'cause we don't know anybody, 'cause they're all your friends, and they all happen to be doctors.

Morgan: Doctors who don't really get our jokes!

Chuck: Well, your jokes.


(After he shoots Bryce dead)

Casey: Don't move.


Morgan: What is it?

Chuck: Zork. You remember Zork, the old text-based video game? Well, Bryce and I programmed our own version of it back at Stanford using a TRS-80.

Morgan: Wow, you guys were really cool.

Chuck: Yeah, if I could only remember what was in my hero's satchel... (Morgan looks at him quizzically) The weapons I would use to kill the Terrible Troll.

Morgan: Right! You know what, you're still really cool.


Chuck: (after the Intersect was uploaded, and before his first flash) Did you spike the punch?

Morgan: Something goes wrong, you blame me. After all these years, where's the trust? .......Yes, I did.


Sarah: Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or Morgan, for that matter.

Chuck: My parents were sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.

Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own!


Jeff: What if you're the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta, and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchuks?

Chuck: ...That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. Here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.

Jeff: (winks/blinks one eye)

Chuck: ...(shows disturbed expression)...

Jeff: (Blinks opposite eye)


Chuck: Hi. Uhh, phone trouble again?

Sarah: Yeah, I'm not sure I'm able to receive calls... because I never got one from you.


Sarah: I was wondering if you'd show me around... that is, if you're free?

Morgan: He's free. He's got nothing but time on his hands. He's very available.

Chuck: Apparently, my schedule's wide open.


Sarah: Come any closer, I shoot!

John: You shoot him; I shoot you; I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.


Chuck: Do you like music?

Sarah: I guess.

Chuck: You guess? What's your favorite band?

Sarah: Uhh...

Chuck: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Sarah: God, I'm not funny, I don't listen to music... this must be your worst date ever, right? (pause) I was waiting for you to say no.

Chuck: Sorry, I kinda zoned out there for a second. No, no no no! God no. I've had much worse dates... experiences overall, with women. In eleventh grade...

Sarah: Eleventh grade? Oh. You have to go back that far? Come on!

Chuck: ...I don't date that much.


(while Sarah's driving in reverse)

Chuck: Oh my God, I'm gonna die.


Chuck: So yeah, I live with my sister and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome.

Sarah: No!

Chuck: It's true though!

Sarah: So wait, you call him Captain Awesome?

Chuck: Yeah, wait till you meet him. Everything he does is awesome. Climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, flossing...

Sarah: That's funny.

Chuck: I'm a funny guy!

Sarah: Clearly. Which is good, 'cause I'm not funny.

Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...

Sarah: Oh plenty, believe me.

Chuck: And I was thinking either she's a cannibal or she's really not that funny... and I was pulling for cannibal because I've never met one before.

Sarah: uhh... not a cannibal.


Morgan: Who is that? Vicki Vale?

(Chuck on the phone, reading file)

Chuck: Vicki Vale, Vick-uh Vicki Vale,Vickity Vickity Vicki Vale, Vick-uh Vicki Vale

(Notices Sarah is watching him)

(Chuck drops the phone)

Sarah: I hope I'm not interrupting.

Chuck: No. Not at all. Uh, that's from Batman.

Sarah: 'Cause that makes it better.


Casey: Don't puke on the C4...

"Chuck Versus the Helicopter" Edit

Chuck: Hi, my name is Charles Bartowski, but you can call me Chuck. Those are my shoes, this is my life. Its filled with spies, car chases, computer-stealing ninjas and me saving the day.


(Casey just tackled a shoplifter and is about to hit him when Chuck runs up and stops him)

Chuck: Casey, Casey, Casey! No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's just a video game, okay?! Lives are not in danger and the country is still safe!

Morgan: Wow. The guy's been here 24 hours and taking the job way more seriously than me.

Chuck: That's because he's crazy.

Casey: Tell me something I don't know.


Chuck: So, uh, this is the handheld scanner...very expensive piece of equipment.

Casey: So is the stealth fighter, but somehow I managed to fly that.


(Beckman and Graham are watching Chuck and Morgan mess around via camera.)

Beckman: Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot.

Graham: At least they weren't sent to his friend.


Sarah: When the images start, just say what they are.

Chuck: That's it?

Casey: I'm sure you'll find a way to screw it up!


Ellie: Well, you've moved onto bigger and better girls. I don't really mean bigger like literally bigger... I just really like Sarah. And I hope you guys work things out before the next dinner party, of course.

Chuck: I dunno, sis, I really think I blew it.

Ellie: Look, Chuck, just try apologizing. It goes a long way.


(after Sarah goes to talk to Chuck in the bathroom)

"Chuck Versus the Tango" Edit

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