Chuck Quotes is a quote page for some of the funny and memorable quotes from the Chuck TV series organized by episode.
Season One Edit
Chuck: Uh, you know, Sis, the thing is, Morgan and I don't really feel like we're fitting in...at my birthday party...'cause we don't know anybody, 'cause they're all your friends, and they all happen to be doctors.
Morgan: Doctors who don't really get our jokes!
Chuck: Well, your jokes.
(After he shoots Bryce dead)
Casey: Don't move.
Morgan: What is it?
Chuck: Zork. You remember Zork, the old text-based video game? Well, Bryce and I programmed our own version of it back at Stanford using a TRS-80.
Morgan: Wow, you guys were really cool.
Chuck: Yeah, if I could only remember what was in my hero's satchel... (Morgan looks at him quizzically) The weapons I would use to kill the Terrible Troll.
Morgan: Right! You know what, you're still really cool.
Chuck: (after the Intersect was uploaded, and before his first flash) Did you spike the punch?
Morgan: Something goes wrong, you blame me. After all these years, where's the trust? .......Yes, I did.
Sarah: Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or Morgan, for that matter.
Chuck: My parents were sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.
Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own!
Jeff: What if you're the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta, and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchuks?
Chuck: ...That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. Here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.
Jeff: (winks/blinks one eye)
Chuck: ...(shows disturbed expression)...
Jeff: (Blinks opposite eye)
Chuck: Hi. Uhh, phone trouble again?
Sarah: Yeah, I'm not sure I'm able to receive calls... because I never got one from you.
Sarah: I was wondering if you'd show me around... that is, if you're free?
Morgan: He's free. He's got nothing but time on his hands. He's very available.
Chuck: Apparently, my schedule's wide open.
Sarah: Come any closer, I shoot!
John: You shoot him; I shoot you; I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Chuck: Do you like music?
Sarah: I guess.
Chuck: You guess? What's your favorite band?
Chuck: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
Sarah: God, I'm not funny, I don't listen to music... this must be your worst date ever, right? (pause) I was waiting for you to say no.
Chuck: Sorry, I kinda zoned out there for a second. No, no no no! God no. I've had much worse dates... experiences overall, with women. In eleventh grade...
Sarah: Eleventh grade? Oh. You have to go back that far? Come on!
Chuck: ...I don't date that much.
(while Sarah's driving in reverse)
Chuck: Oh my God, I'm gonna die.
Chuck: So yeah, I live with my sister and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome.
Chuck: It's true though!
Sarah: So wait, you call him Captain Awesome?
Chuck: Yeah, wait till you meet him. Everything he does is awesome. Climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, flossing...
Sarah: That's funny.
Chuck: I'm a funny guy!
Sarah: Clearly. Which is good, 'cause I'm not funny.
Chuck: Is that your big secret, by the way? Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...
Sarah: Oh plenty, believe me.
Chuck: And I was thinking either she's a cannibal or she's really not that funny... and I was pulling for cannibal because I've never met one before.
Sarah: uhh... not a cannibal.
Morgan: Who is that? Vicki Vale?
(Chuck on the phone, reading file)
Chuck: Vicki Vale, Vick-uh Vicki Vale,Vickity Vickity Vicki Vale, Vick-uh Vicki Vale
(Notices Sarah is watching him)
(Chuck drops the phone)
Sarah: I hope I'm not interrupting.
Chuck: No. Not at all. Uh, that's from Batman.
Sarah: 'Cause that makes it better.
Casey: Don't puke on the C4...
Chuck: Hi, my name is Charles Bartowski, but you can call me Chuck. Those are my shoes, this is my life. Its filled with spies, car chases, computer-stealing ninjas and me saving the day.
(Casey just tackled a shoplifter and is about to hit him when Chuck runs up and stops him)
Chuck: Casey, Casey, Casey! No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! It's just a video game, okay?! Lives are not in danger and the country is still safe!
Morgan: Wow. The guy's been here 24 hours and taking the job way more seriously than me.
Chuck: That's because he's crazy.
Casey: Tell me something I don't know.
Chuck: So, uh, this is the handheld scanner...very expensive piece of equipment.
Casey: So is the stealth fighter, but somehow I managed to fly that.
(Beckman and Graham are watching Chuck and Morgan mess around via camera.)
Beckman: Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot.
Graham: At least they weren't sent to his friend.
Sarah: When the images start, just say what they are.
Chuck: That's it?
Casey: I'm sure you'll find a way to screw it up!
Ellie: Well, you've moved onto bigger and better girls. I don't really mean bigger like literally bigger... I just really like Sarah. And I hope you guys work things out before the next dinner party, of course.
Chuck: I dunno, sis, I really think I blew it.
Ellie: Look, Chuck, just try apologizing. It goes a long way.
(after Sarah goes to talk to Chuck in the bathroom)